Tweaked Twilight
by niflicious
Summary: What would happen if one relationship in twilight was changed? hehehe
1. Preface

This story is about how Twilight would have ended overall if one little relationship was tweaked, with a fight, cheating, eating, in the case of this story. So all relationships in the series are in jeopardy. If you are a twilight traditionalist and do not like spoofs of this story just don't read it. DON'T BE A HATER! So read on my ppls!


	2. Scenario 1

Scenario 1: Bella dates instead of being an adrenaline junkie to see Edward in her visions.

"Bella I never want to see you again. It will be as if I never existed."

Bella sobs, she goes into a deep depression for many months. Her relationship grows with Jacob and Charlie along with Mike, Jessica, Angela, and the other dude *teehee*. While those relationships grow she is single and she starts dating one of the bachelors, hence Jacob, Mike, the other dude. So she dates one it doesn't work out goes through them until she gets to Jacob. They are already best friends so they skip that stage. Blah blah blah, boyfriend girlfriend. So Bella doesn't jump off the cliff because she got over it and she isn't thought dead . The Cullen family stays in their new home and she doesn't go to the Volturi or see Alice. She forgets about Edward over time and Bella and Jacob have werewolf babies. A little boy, lets call him Jeremiah, and a younger girl, lets name her Elizabeth. When Edward finds this out he comes back of course ticked off because he always loved her and never got over her. So there is this big fight between Edward and Jacob, Edward gives up and Bella thinks that he doesn't care. She has no relation to any vampires so she never becomes immortal, she grows old while Jacob stays young and she dies at lets say the age of 87.


	3. Scenario 2

Scenario 2: Edward does not stop drinking Bella's blood at the ballet studio.

Now this one is just plain out simple. Either option A, Bella dies because Edward drank all of her blood, or Option B, my favorite, there is a huge fight with Emmet, Carlisle, and Edward, one of them, by this I mean Edward, gets "accidentally" thrown into the fire forever putting Bella in a horrible state of depression but because of this she never leaves the Cullens or does she get freaked out and kill herself. But to continue on I must go with the first scenario. She breaks up one of the couples lets say Rose and Emmet, because this one could get interesting, and Rose gets pissed off, and I mean bad. Okay we all know that Emmet is the kind to cheat but this is going to get better. Rose does not want Bella to become a vampire because she knows how hard it is and she never wanted it for herself. So she votes no in New Moon but this is still in Twilight, and there is no Edward. So they get into this big fight, Rose and Bella, over Emmet, who is on the sidelines cheering both of them on, and of course Rosalie has a crazy big advantage. What she does is not kill Bella or beat her down as, I like to put it, but she instead changes her because she wants to put her through the torture she feels everyday. Isn't Rose so nice! *teehee*. So blah blah blah Bella's a vampire she doesn't have Renesme she does not get associated with werewolves or Jacob. Victoria doesn't get ticked off Laurent doesn't die. James well he was already dead in the beginning of this scenario. Charlie was told that Bella died and when he would see her in the forest hunting for the monsters, werewolves, he kept seeing her while she was hunting and so he was checked into the loony bin! So just to recap in this scenario Bella becomes immortal, no Renesme, no Edward, no Jacob, no Edward, no Charlie, no Edward, no Volturi, did I mention no Edward! *teehee*


	4. Scenario 3

Scenario 3: Alice and Jane come out of the closet for each other.

Okay so apparently in this scenario Alice and Jane are lesbians. I am fine with this. This is good. So Jasper was a cover up and Alec is anti gay so, drama! So Alice leaves to the Volturi or Jane leaves for the Cullens. The second one seems more dramatic so let's go with that one. Jane arrives at the Cullens because she can't keep it in anymore that she's in love with Alice. Alice gets freaked out about how everyone will react because she had no time to prepare. So Rose doesn't care Jasper gets freaked out, even though he knew, because people are afraid they will think he is gay. Carlisle and Esme support her because they act like parents. Edward and Bella are opposed at first but eventually become okay. Emmett now he goes on a gay/lesbian parade acting all happy go lucky and he is wearing hot pants, you know the really short shorts. So then after this the Volturi find out and then Aro, inspired by Jane's action of love, confesses that he has always loved Carlisle, these feelings are not mutual. So Aro goes on a killing spree killing any vampire that has made even the slightest infraction. When he realizes that doing this is an infraction he has Felix and Demetri kill him. So meanwhile Jasper has a revelation that he is gay. And while Alec, Jane's anti gay brother, is trying to cope he has the same realization. So the two new couples at the end of the story are Jane and Alice along with Jasper and Alec. Oh, btw the feelings with Aro and Carlisle are mutual! But only in this scenario. *dinging noise from those mattress commercials*


	5. Scenario 4

Scenario 4: Bella falls in love with Jasper when she meets the Cullens instead of Edward

Well this means that either she doesn't get a boyfriend but a friend, she gets a boyfriend and a pissed off ex, or Edward is Alice's boyfriend and Jasper is single, or we could pull in information from the last scenario and Edward could be single, Alice with Jane, and Jasper with Alec, or Edward with Alec. Okay lets narrow it down lets have Jasper taken, now with Alice or Alec? Who will it be tune in next time for the results. Just kidding, just kidding. So let's leave it like last time. Alice with Jane and Jasper with Alec. So there is going to be either a three person relationship, can someone say POLYGAMY, or there could also be the pissed ex. Polygamy, pissed ex. Pissed ex, polygamy. Let's choose pissed ex. So Alec is broken up from Jasper and he has nasty grudge issues along with some crazy awesome vampire powers. Bella she has a shield against powers, even though she is not vampire yet, and so Alec only has the normal vampire advantages. But Bella has Jasper and his youngness, is youngness even a word? Well the red line thingy isn't popping up so yeah! So anyways, excuse my stupidity, Jasper is oober, which apparently is not a word, strong and fast because he is more of a newborn than the old dude Alec. So there is a big dramatic fight scene, a fire is made, some thumbs and opposable toes are thrown in, some hair is messed up, even with all the hair gel, and then they come to the realization that they had more fun than they have ever had, and then they get back together. Bella is left alone, or is she? Will she go to the werewolves or will she play around the Cullen pack some more? Well that will be saved for the next chapter. So to recap, Jasper and Alec get back together and Bella is left all alone with no vampire mate.


	6. Scenario 5

Scenario 5: Bella has a fling with Jasper instead of Edward in the beginning and the relationship goes awry.

So as I said at the end of the last scenario Bella will either go into dating werewolves or she will date more Cullens. My friend wants to put it like this she is a Cullen bitch then a pack bitch then she goes back to her own species, and is just the High School bitch. Okay I'll go with that but less swearing, I'm the good one, teehee. So she will date around the Cullens, next she'll go to Emmett and that'll just be a fling, a small unnoticed affair, and Rose will not be clued in. Then she dates Edward but the first time she gets closer than two feet to him she starts choking because of the amount of Axe and hair gel he has covered himself in. She won't try Carlisle because she knew that would just plain out destroy the family, and she's just slightly a bigger person. She has declared that she is straight, for now, so she is done with that family. On to the Wolf Pack! Well since she's a gold digger, teehee, she will go straight for Sam, the pack leader. Well he loves his fiancée, Emily, and will never ever never ever cheat on her. So she moves to Quil, who I think is dating the two year old. So yeah he had already imprinted on her and there is no breaking that up. Then Embry, I don't know if he was the one dating the two year old but lets say no because I already tagged that one on Quil. So there is nothing wrong with this coupling and they date but something goes wrong, lets say he imprints on a four year old and then they break up. Then she goes to Jacob, since there is no Renesme, Jacob cant imprint on her so Bella and Jacob have a steady relationship until she cheats on him with some guy from school. Now they break up and she dates the other guy. Then obviously since he was the other guy the relationship wasn't strong and then she keeps moving through the school, no one likes her because they are either her ex, or a girl whose heart was broken by her old boyfriend because of Bella, so she has no friends and she becomes emo and eventually succeeds and she kills herself at the age of 21 because she had to repeat so many grades because she was focusing on boys and killing herself rather than her school work.


	7. Scenario 6

Scenario 6: In Breaking Dawn, on Isle Esme, Bella gets eaten by Edward.

Well this could mean she dies, but that's just boring and completely normal! So, each little Bella piece goes through Edward's digestive system. It's really small and non-muscular because he only drinks blood, which also makes his organs uber red. She sees all Edward's insides which are also coated in hair and his fancy hair gel. Then when a certain bodily function occurs, bowel movement, Bella pieces herself back together and sprints out of the place. It turns out Gustavo, the air conditioning person, is really good with movie make up and so she can look like a completely different person to escape. Then she stalks Edward for a few years and once she sees fit she confronts him. Edward is shocked that he has hair on and inside his internal organs, and that the hair gel he constantly eats, if it is not already on his head, has smoothed down the hair closer to the organs and gives him more warmth, raising his internal temperature to 20. She realizes he didn't eat her to be evil but ate her on accident because he was sleep eating. So to recap Edward has hairy, gelled organs, and sadly I write Bella and Edward get back together.


	8. Scenario 7

Scenario 7: Bella, Edward, and Renesme get a pet!

So a pet Edward and Bella shall get…hehe I'm a poet and I didn't even know it! So what kind of pet should they get? Hmmmmm, although there are many animals that could create an entertaining scenario, they will get one dog and two rabid squirrels. The rabid squirrels are in one room, they built onto the house to have a separate squirrel room. The dog has a big lawn in the back and a dog mansion to sleep and rest in. The dog gives Renesme someone other than Jacob to run with. The rabid squirrels taunt the dog making it run more and faster. The squirrels also infect the vampires with rabies; well they would if they had any blood in their veins. Jacob gets jealous of the dog, which Renesme is spending a lot of time with. Jacob kills the dog and Renesme gets ticked. She injures Jacob but he heals quickly and she loves him more than ever. Then the rabid squirrels lose their importance and they are eaten by Emmett because Edward bet him he couldn't. After that Emmett got sick but he was fixed up by Carlisle. Just to recap, the Edward/Bella part of the Cullen family get rabid squirrels that were eaten by Emmett on a dare, which made him sick; also the dog that was bought was killed out of jealousy by Jacob.


	9. Scenario 8

Scenario 8: Rosalie and Emmett adopt a child.

We all know how much Rosalie is maternal; well we also know she can't get pregnant because she is a vampire. The only possible way her motherly needs can be met is adoption. Now which continent should they get their child from; North America, South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Africa, or Antarctica? Well I'm pretty sure that there are very few people, let alone adoption agencies, on Antarctica. North America is not a destination baby so no. Everyone adopts from Asia and Africa. Europe is a good vacation spot and they wouldn't want to bring their baby back to the place of suffering. Australia it is! So they adopt a two year old boy and name him Jefferson. Then a dingo eats the baby. HAHAHAHA! Australian pun! Okay, well I'll calm down now. So they go back and adopt a two month old girl named Sydney. This time they are super careful. They get back to Forks and then the whole family goes baby crazy. Bella, Alice, Esme, Renesme, and Rosalie all swarm the baby and give her so much love she explodes, literally. Well Rosalie is too traumatized to go back and get a baby so she doesn't. She doesn't even try to adopt a baby in the US. Instead she dresses Emmett up like a baby and cradles him in her arms. She goes a little overboard though. She starts trying to give him mashed peas and milk in a bottle, she settles for putting blood in the bottle and then mixing the peas with deer heart. So, Rosalie ends up with Emmett in a baby outfit eating peas and blood from a bottle, two dead baby attempts, and a new family laughing stock.


	10. Scenario 9

Scenario 9: When Bella finally gets her immortal wish in Breaking Dawn she hates herself.

So Bella has terribly bad self esteem as a vampire. Of course if Bella feels bad about herself, Edward feels bad for her too; but Bella thinks by him feeling bad too it is just him hating her. So just like in New Moon, but with less human, she goes into a deep depression. The whole family regrets ever letting her be associated with them and be led into this horrible never ending life. So every Cullen is in a state of depression, except for one, lets say Esme, because I would say Alice except for she's completely emotionally unstable. So for her sake of well being, Renesme is given over to the werewolves until the family is back to normal. So Jacob and Renesme are happy. One problem solved one to go. So Esme works her magic on Jasper because his power is pretty helpful in this situation. So Jasper is all better, he can see the pretty unicorns at the end of the tunnel, and so he makes everyone "feel" better. Well you know with his mental vampire emotion thing a ma jig? So they don't really feel better but it's a temporary fix. Then while they are under his vampirey emotion fixy mind spell, should I call it a spell? Because I can't think of anything better to call it. So anyways, while they are under the "spell" Jasper works his southern charm on everyone. Suddenly his southern-ness comes over him and he goes on a butter craze he immediately runs to the store and buys all the butter that they have. He comes back and starts shoving it down their throats. Because the vampires can not absorb the fats into their blood stream and stuffs then they don't get fat and all the butter does is use its southern power like Jasper and then everyone is better. So Bella gets used to her vampire self and Jasper grows into his southern-ness and keeps buying butter and lard, but no one gets huge. Renesme gets returned and the family is reunited and back to "normal".


	11. Scenario 10

Scenario 10: The Cullen ladies, and Emmet, go shopping.

Well the first part is kinda self explanatory; but where to go, where to go. Hmmmmm well Costco is not really exciting and Target isn't either. How about a shopping spree! They go to a mall, which has tons of stores in one. After that they go to tons of other stores. So Alice wants to go to Victoria's Secret and we all know how this one's gonna turn out. She tries on one thing and it sends her into a buying frenzy, like a shark in a tank full of fresh blood. She drags Rosalie and Bella into the store and forces them into some skimpy bathing suits and tons of other inappropriately described outfits. Emmett is having fun also; he is trying on little skirts, bras and lingerie. Alice adores every piece on every single person and insists on buying everything. The store will be closed for a few days while they are re-stocking. All the while Renesme is with her grandma, Esme, and heading towards the Gap. Esme buys her a few new pieces for her summer wardrobe and then is dragged into going to Hello Kitty. Alice has bought the whole Victoria's Secret store by now and has met up with Esme. When they are all in Hello Kitty Emmett falls in love with everything and buys enough things to redecorate the whole house, but is met by angry siblings and is forced to the idea of cramming it all into his room. Renesme becomes frugal and just decides to move into Emmett's room when they get home. At this point in their shopping trip the family has spent about 2.5 million dollars. Edward, Bella, Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Jasper, and Alice need new beds but at the mall there is no bed bath and beyond or any store that sells beds. Emmett doesn't need one because he already got one at Hello Kitty. So their solution to this terrible problem is COSTCO! At Costco the beds are bought while a treasure hunt for all the samples in the store is struck up. Well Renesme gets lost because Costco is such a giant store, and a hunt is struck up for her. She is found in the frozen department, inside a compartment full of ice cream, cooling herself down from the summer heat just as it is time to ring up. When Esme gets to the check stand she is forced to give up all of the beds, except for one, due to insufficient funds. The family gets home and unpacks. Carlisle and Edward read the riot act to Alice and Emmett, the two shopping addicts, and they have to get jobs. Alice she has to go to Victoria's Secret and offer to help sew all new pieces for the store to help re stock. And Emmett well we know what he has to do. Who can say Hello Kitty mascot outfit! Meanwhile Carlisle and Edward go to the Volturi and pull some strings to be allowed to print their own money to help out Emmet and Alice. So, to recap there was a shopping spree and the Cullens lost a ton of money that was restored by the Volturi printing their own money and Alice and Emmett's jobs.


End file.
